Imaginations

Sat, Nov 24, 2001, 12:09 PM

Last night I got the worse night of all in year 2001. Wondered a lot of Questions and hope to search an answer to all my thoughts.

What made me couldn't sleep well is a phone ringing sound... Really ringing sound that I was hearing last night but as I open my eyes or woke to check my phones, nop is only in my imaginations ...or dreams. -- So real!

Woke a few times before the day break and at 7.30am my client from the Air Force called :"can we see you at 8.30am... O, sorry to wake you so early......" Yea! Dose it matters now? ...! Does she really feel bad about waking me up or she just wanted her job to be done.

Suppose to bring BoBo and ChaCha (my two dogs at home-if you do not know) to the vet and a hair cut at "Sunsetway" this morning but seem that I must cancel them for this rush job. So instead I brought BoBo to the office.

Come back to the wondering answers and people out there if you can tell me your views please do. Be open to my story.. Tell me yours....

• What is friendship? Love-Ship? and Work-ship? Can it be mix?

• Wonder what is trust and can it be compared with friendship?

• What is the meaning of love?
• Can a I love a person and still will do bad things to that person?
• Or is that all about losing factor? Or insecure feelings?

• When I ask what is trust.... is not about able to trust someone which I can trust all people but just the one point about drawing a line... or to chose...?

• Also wondered a lot about "CHOOSE" - the best of both worlds?
• Can it be a real thing? Will it really happen?

• Friend-Friend only? - What do you mean by that?

• Trust a friend... again is different thing.

• Long time friend.... is there love in it or just too much oneself when I couldn't let go and yet cannot maintain the level of friendship!

• Why is money always the main concern in people's life or even in a friendship!
• When all would say, money is not what is concern after all!

I have comments from friends (really close friends) saying I do all this is not because of money! but when things happens! When is time to draw a line!
I needed the money!
• Why is that so? --- Can a line be drawn?

• What is the meaning of drawing a line?

• Can friendship become love and love become hate!
• I am sure it is happening to me now! WHY?
• Am I "self-fish" Am I too protected.. why am I feeling insecure?

• Am I a loner?.... or can anybody explain "LONER" - "Self-centred" love to hate! Trust..
• Is loner a loser? Is a loner afraid of being alone or they just like to be alone?

• I am afraid of lonely-ness. Feeling terrible in the pass weeks!

• How you can explain about this word LOSER? Or is there such a thing call a loser?

• And yet I hear things about what friends said...... "I will not get involve with anything or anyone which can ruin a good friendship".... and yet it happened, is this call Human Factor?

• Can you measure few years friendship with other factor?
• All factors (.... money -- trust - love - time-outsider) if you asked what factor !

Last night was bad and this morning too... while I was walking BoBo over at the Hong Lim Park (Speakers Corner) saw another dog owner walk over towards me with her dog! and :) when she let go of her dog, her dog ran across the road like a mad dog.. which I think she is afriad of BoBo..... but My heart almost stop as she ran across the road as we are afraid that any car will knock her in that moment! Well of course... she's safe over the other side of the road!

Seeing BoBo feeling so free in the garden.. felt happy for her and yet she and Cha Cha is not going to be together sooner or later... will be giving away Cha Cha to a friend... still considering about it... wonder who should I "choose".

Come to choose a dog... is not that difficult infect to compare choosing a friendship! Might just give away both and live alone again!
Can I do that for friendship?

All the above is about feelings! Passion?
And yet can people out there tell me about your meaning of "Passion"

I am what I am today is because of people around me that believes in me and my passion.. and now the world blaming me for my ego! You and your passion!!! (so real)

• Is Passion = Ego?

Please take these thoughts of mine objectively, I am not aiming at any people.. really lost and lonely and searching for a pair of listening ears. And came to my mind last night and after the walk at the park... I think I should ask the people around me to help me to search for an answer!

Writing makes me feel better too.. I hope!

The truth is I needed friends! Close friend good friend all friend but why jealousy always came into the way? Can it be iron out? Or is just me? Can a line be drawn? Or is there such a line?

I used to have a counsellor ... once after the last meeting at my home, The answer to my problems is too much "I" in me (which what he said about me) ... I am too much of myself! Is that a sickness! or the human factor of which made up with passion around me in how people look and believe in me in my work... for all that know me... I take my work as my life! and is real and not funny at all!

Is there too much "I" in me?
I am tired! I am feeling lousy! People around seem to be breaking away!

Thank you people for a heart to read!

Hope to hear from you people very soon!

Be open to my story.. tell me yours....
A thought that needs only an answer!