Maybe yes I can use more love - love more.I know too that love alone can't keep me or anyone alive- but love can keep us going. Yes you do not know me but I write for all lovers and believer of love. How can one love more? Please write.
Don't look for someone just to fill your space. i hope you really love again. I hope i too.
and I wish you love.
When someone will come in my life without me looking for her.. I will love her with all my heart :)
Giving love is easy but is it real love you giving or just putting on an act. Last night I was at the Art House 3rd year party (Qbar) was real cool. At least I feel that most peple there is with "real love" of meeting people. I got to know more people at the party and we all love each other. We all enjoy each other so much. Is that giving love?
For me.. i will make fuure plans.. make follow-ups those new friends.. want to that they are ok and well being love.. that's all.
I love all my friends.. and I love you.
One of the most interesting happenings last night was during the game. I am just being myself going about solving the puzzle with all the strangers... and got to solve it but not mine.. hee.. and got introduced myself to someone that I realy wish to meet. People who are in the film industry :)
Just hope these "real" love for meeting people will reward.
Be well.
Monday, March 26, 2007
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Clerisy
I wrote in my last blog about how my dreams came through and it came through yesterday, the night before I deamt that Pancy won lottery and going to be big prizes. And got a call last night from her and she told me she won $1000 for 2nd prize lottery. How amazing huh? However I wasn't that "surprise" about her winning. Just another "dream" huh...
This morning I woke late about 9am. Waking up with the lights over my head - how I wished all these are just illusion. Not real. That I can chose not to be who I am now or restart my life from 20 years of age knowing what mistakes I have made. Will that be easlier? No.. I do not think so... what I am today is what everyone around made me.
I must say that it was not easy to know that she's married and already 2 years. Meaning to know that she left me for someone else then. I already know that I have to move on and now with her I just got to do it well. I must get a job. A job that can pays the bill. A job that can help - inspire people around me.
I have written a note to a stranger from flickr before.. "I love to draw and dream all day - I wish to be able to save the World". I really wish life can be easlier, too much drama makes me drunk!
This morning I woke late about 9am. Waking up with the lights over my head - how I wished all these are just illusion. Not real. That I can chose not to be who I am now or restart my life from 20 years of age knowing what mistakes I have made. Will that be easlier? No.. I do not think so... what I am today is what everyone around made me.
I must say that it was not easy to know that she's married and already 2 years. Meaning to know that she left me for someone else then. I already know that I have to move on and now with her I just got to do it well. I must get a job. A job that can pays the bill. A job that can help - inspire people around me.
I have written a note to a stranger from flickr before.. "I love to draw and dream all day - I wish to be able to save the World". I really wish life can be easlier, too much drama makes me drunk!
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Empyrean
Do you believe in gifts? Gifts from heaven, from God. I think I have certain gifts. Feelings about things and people. About their feelings and things that also happening or happened that I ahve not seem but realised. Sometimes, this certain person will always be in my mind for a while like the whole morning and I will kow that something is happening to that person or certain thought about he/she will passed by me. Or someone will tells me about their happenings.
Why am I writing about this, because I hate to say I do not like this at all. Yes sometimes is useful.. like needed a taxi and knowing where to wait.. or without even asking you what are your feelings like I can sometimes know it. But many times, I wish I can find out those things myself and without knowing that is that going to happen... relationships is one of them.... can I break this gift or change it? Knowing what is going to happen and make it/ change it to the way I think it should be.
I am not God or HEROS.. or from X-Men.. I am human with soul and a beleiver of GOD. Or all these are just my wild imaginations.
But it does happened many times.. or all the time. yes I love to think and write .. read and watching movies. are these the causes? Can you explained when those feelings actually comes thru. My dreams became real. I won lottery from my dreams.. and so on....
Of course I needed faith to know that I am well, however my ex-wife always think that I was crazy when I spoke of these feelings. I hate to say I look real stupid. I can't hide my own expressions when things happens.. or I got to know certain things before anyone tells me. I wished sometimes those things will not come thru... not real, just my imaginations.
Why? Do you think this is real? Do you think this is funny? Crazy? or I just think too much?
I am a very emotional person, I know. What the cause?
The truth is.. whenever I know of something that I do not wish it is to happen.. i tried to change it and always fail. No one believes in me.
Why am I writing about this, because I hate to say I do not like this at all. Yes sometimes is useful.. like needed a taxi and knowing where to wait.. or without even asking you what are your feelings like I can sometimes know it. But many times, I wish I can find out those things myself and without knowing that is that going to happen... relationships is one of them.... can I break this gift or change it? Knowing what is going to happen and make it/ change it to the way I think it should be.
I am not God or HEROS.. or from X-Men.. I am human with soul and a beleiver of GOD. Or all these are just my wild imaginations.
But it does happened many times.. or all the time. yes I love to think and write .. read and watching movies. are these the causes? Can you explained when those feelings actually comes thru. My dreams became real. I won lottery from my dreams.. and so on....
Of course I needed faith to know that I am well, however my ex-wife always think that I was crazy when I spoke of these feelings. I hate to say I look real stupid. I can't hide my own expressions when things happens.. or I got to know certain things before anyone tells me. I wished sometimes those things will not come thru... not real, just my imaginations.
Why? Do you think this is real? Do you think this is funny? Crazy? or I just think too much?
I am a very emotional person, I know. What the cause?
The truth is.. whenever I know of something that I do not wish it is to happen.. i tried to change it and always fail. No one believes in me.
Monday, March 19, 2007
Appurtenance
A love letter from her... almost weekly I will have an email from her expressing her feelings to me, good feelings, bad feelings. I love all these love letters. Wish these was written and mail instead of emails.
20 March 2007 12:01:04 AM GMT+08:00
With or without.. there's still butterflies..
since we wouldnt know if it'll be the same whether or not there is (little)him.. shall we not ponder over that anymore.. no point me trying to argue that i'll still be in love with you or you trying to convince me that you may not be on my list..
and hey.. dont belittle your charisma nor overestimate my appeal.. (for the fact we know very well you're still capable of attracting..) like you said. time bring us together.. the way i see we needed someone at the same time. and had time for each other during those times. so i really dont think the little one has much influence on the relationship. so dont dwell on it for now. and ever. :)
you know there's one line in the song "Don't write me off" that goes:
"And while I know, based on my track record, I might not seem like the safest bet"
i think thats how most of your previous lovers must have felt that way. that u're not a good bet.. i have my uncertainties on that too of cos.. but i guess its jus going to be the way and that we'll have to learn and cope with and let us continue to trust and love each other..
confession. i hate to admit that i was disturbed by (s)her appearance that day. [i almost cant (bear to) type her name here..] i knew i would be. i have always been. im sorry for my behaviour that day. it still stings me when i think about it. evennow. somehow i dont know if you love me cos im a smaller risk to take than her or do you really love me. i know you will say that is a selfish thinking. but this may be a good feeling. it makes me treasure you more. for fear that you may go back to her one day. when and if she really returns. :) dont you think? you mention that she once asked you. what if (g) comes back. will you leave her? i thought of that too. what if g comes back? what if she comes back? and you know what? im actually more jealous of her than g. maybe cos i feel you tend to gather from your "experience" with her and place them on me. and i feel (rather strongly) that its a prejudice towards me.
as much as you think i chose you over the part that i have a baggage (little him) which i dont agree. u must know that i fear too. of you not being able to wait. of the possibility of you meeting someone on the train ride. both of which is highly possible and you capable of. (of cos i know you have your concerns over my issues too.)
i will keep the butterflies.. please continue to give them to me..
also make my heart stronger.. make them miss a beat sometimes.. and at other times, beat a tad faster..
dear, let me know how i can love you more.. and how do i make you love me more..
wanting to love you a lifetime,
silly me..
20 March 2007 12:01:04 AM GMT+08:00
With or without.. there's still butterflies..
since we wouldnt know if it'll be the same whether or not there is (little)him.. shall we not ponder over that anymore.. no point me trying to argue that i'll still be in love with you or you trying to convince me that you may not be on my list..
and hey.. dont belittle your charisma nor overestimate my appeal.. (for the fact we know very well you're still capable of attracting..) like you said. time bring us together.. the way i see we needed someone at the same time. and had time for each other during those times. so i really dont think the little one has much influence on the relationship. so dont dwell on it for now. and ever. :)
you know there's one line in the song "Don't write me off" that goes:
"And while I know, based on my track record, I might not seem like the safest bet"
i think thats how most of your previous lovers must have felt that way. that u're not a good bet.. i have my uncertainties on that too of cos.. but i guess its jus going to be the way and that we'll have to learn and cope with and let us continue to trust and love each other..
confession. i hate to admit that i was disturbed by (s)her appearance that day. [i almost cant (bear to) type her name here..] i knew i would be. i have always been. im sorry for my behaviour that day. it still stings me when i think about it. evennow. somehow i dont know if you love me cos im a smaller risk to take than her or do you really love me. i know you will say that is a selfish thinking. but this may be a good feeling. it makes me treasure you more. for fear that you may go back to her one day. when and if she really returns. :) dont you think? you mention that she once asked you. what if (g) comes back. will you leave her? i thought of that too. what if g comes back? what if she comes back? and you know what? im actually more jealous of her than g. maybe cos i feel you tend to gather from your "experience" with her and place them on me. and i feel (rather strongly) that its a prejudice towards me.
as much as you think i chose you over the part that i have a baggage (little him) which i dont agree. u must know that i fear too. of you not being able to wait. of the possibility of you meeting someone on the train ride. both of which is highly possible and you capable of. (of cos i know you have your concerns over my issues too.)
i will keep the butterflies.. please continue to give them to me..
also make my heart stronger.. make them miss a beat sometimes.. and at other times, beat a tad faster..
dear, let me know how i can love you more.. and how do i make you love me more..
wanting to love you a lifetime,
silly me..
Sunday, March 4, 2007
Conflagration
21 November 2005 7:35:07 PM GMT+08:00
Some interesting things happened today and on Saturday. In the pics of the night street -- Shinsaibashi of Osaka -- there was a chi ko peh old jap man who touched my butt not once but twice. First time was he came up behind me, started singing a little tune and brushed my butt. I moved away, looked at him and told Donald...but thought ok, it might be accidental. Second time, he came up again behind, started singing a tune again and touched me butt again...Wa Lao ay, I turned around and glared at him...told donald...who walked behind him and kicked his heel. Old man turned round and made noise but his friend pulled him away.
And today, on way home, I saw a small shop lady chasing after a big down syndrome boy who has obviously stolen something from the shop. The lady gave chase and the boy was screaming and shrieking away. They stopped a few times but the boy kept refusing to return the stolen good and the shop lady was trying to dig it out of him, so he'll start screaming and running and the lady will chase. So they were...boy screaming then running, screaming then running. how to help....brave lady.
.............
Sometimes I rather not you telling me some much. But all the time I want to hear, to know... whatever.. it is a war within when you can tell me so much about your life.. what's happening yesterday and even now. But when comes to tell me that you will move out and live with me.. you chicken out.
Is that life? or is this just human?
Some interesting things happened today and on Saturday. In the pics of the night street -- Shinsaibashi of Osaka -- there was a chi ko peh old jap man who touched my butt not once but twice. First time was he came up behind me, started singing a little tune and brushed my butt. I moved away, looked at him and told Donald...but thought ok, it might be accidental. Second time, he came up again behind, started singing a tune again and touched me butt again...Wa Lao ay, I turned around and glared at him...told donald...who walked behind him and kicked his heel. Old man turned round and made noise but his friend pulled him away.
And today, on way home, I saw a small shop lady chasing after a big down syndrome boy who has obviously stolen something from the shop. The lady gave chase and the boy was screaming and shrieking away. They stopped a few times but the boy kept refusing to return the stolen good and the shop lady was trying to dig it out of him, so he'll start screaming and running and the lady will chase. So they were...boy screaming then running, screaming then running. how to help....brave lady.
.............
Sometimes I rather not you telling me some much. But all the time I want to hear, to know... whatever.. it is a war within when you can tell me so much about your life.. what's happening yesterday and even now. But when comes to tell me that you will move out and live with me.. you chicken out.
Is that life? or is this just human?
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